U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
