i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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