she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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