I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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