matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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