Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
worst night to have a conscience
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
