final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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