Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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