she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize