Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
