My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
