thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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