I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
