Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
