ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I looked at my own cervix.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
