It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
