ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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