dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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