just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just found a bag of teeth...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
