Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
