i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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