I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
