I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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