Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
