You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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