Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
