i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
