I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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