No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
