mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
