she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
