I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it hurts more in the daytime
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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