I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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