He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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