Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
