I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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