Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
