why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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