Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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