he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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