You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
