its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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