sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
