pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
