There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
