I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
