Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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