If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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