We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
