K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
