oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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