he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
