I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
