The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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