Can Purell be used as lube?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
