I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
