I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
