Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
