We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
