Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
