don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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