I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
