He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
