i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
