her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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