he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
