Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
