using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
