she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
